Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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