I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize