but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
