i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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