You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
