Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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