I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i just had sex bonerless
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
