it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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