whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
