come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
