I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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