I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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