I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
