Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
