i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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