Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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