dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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