I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
