if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
