i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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