"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
