I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
