so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
