Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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