i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
All the doctor said was why
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
