Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
