I didn't shave. On purpose
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
