Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
