I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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