ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
