So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
