I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
