Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Im part way to drunk.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
