where am i from again
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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