Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
