This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
