so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
