If i come over, it means nothing
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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