I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
