so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
