I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
