I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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