my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
