Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
