i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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