Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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