He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
