Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
