Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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