So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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