I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
