You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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