My first STD was from a foam party
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
