I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
