just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
