Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I can't turn off my feet"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
