so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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