oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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