Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
