ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I have feelings that need drinking.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
