I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
