so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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