Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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