The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
