My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
i think i just lost a toe
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
