Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Damn victory sex feels great
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