Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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