I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
