There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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